Hey man sorry I got all grabby
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
