I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
