If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
