Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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