I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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