She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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