So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
