WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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