I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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