I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
