Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
