one might say we're banned from that church
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
