is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
