I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
