He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
