Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
