If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
