WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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