Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
