I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
