i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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