At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
