this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize