A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
