i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
