Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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