ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
