So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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