Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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