there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Send help, water and tortillas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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