I think I won the penis lottery.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
