So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
