I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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