pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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