if only i could text you this smell
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
