i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
