U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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