Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
