I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want to make out with him forever
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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