So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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