there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize