why didn't you poke me back
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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