So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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