I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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