my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
