apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
