I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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