I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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