everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
