New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
