first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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