i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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