She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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