fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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