Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
