I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
