you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There r osticjed everywhere
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
