chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
