I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
