dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
