We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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