He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
