I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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