they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
