sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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