I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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