3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The Olympian is in my bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
