is your mom at the bar?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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