He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
