I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
