Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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