see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
