Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
